Hard-Core Gear Porn Friday!!!
From the original Analog Industries archive. Some links and images from that era no longer resolve.
I don’t know whether to thank Dave Copeland for sending me such an obvious Hard Core Gear Porn link, or chastise him for looking at such a travesty in the first place. This studio, which belongs to contemporary Christian musician Tom Gross is as middle-of-the-road boring as a studio can be. It’s really quite sad, and an excellent example of how bad things can get when a musician doesn’t do drugs, drink, or smoke.
I mean, hey, whatever gets you through the day, and an ASCAP check for play on CCM stations spends the same as one for play on MTV’s The Real World, I guess. But I’ve never seen a studio with so much stuff in it I didn’t want. It’s really quite amazing. This is like the keyboard section of a store that specializes in band instruments. (You know the ones I mean, when you’re playing in LaCross, Wisconsin, and your drummer is on his last pair of sticks, and you find a store that has Vic Firth 2B, but they’re like $7.00 a pair, but the place is right across the street from the club, so what are you gonna do? Yeah, that place. You know the one I’m talking about.)
So, seriously, if you know this guy, go over to his house and put out a cigarette on his carpet. Or something. This is just out of hand. He’s managed to assemble a complete studio of _bad_ Roland gear. It’s weird, because Roland has put out so much good stuff, it’s hard to avoid. But this guy figured out a way. And TWO MACKIE BOARDS!!! Fuck. It’s like pissing in the wind. It really is.
31 comments
Two soprano saxophones is enough to put him in the hall of shame.
It's really quite sad, and an excellent example of how bad things can get when a musician doesn't do drugs, drink, or smoke.
i don't know- the middle kid in this picture ( http://www.tomgross.com/studio2004_040N2.jpg ) looks like he's lighting up some sort of wacky pipe...
seriously though- as uninspiring as that studio is, don't you wonder what would happen if you were put into some sort of gear purgatory and HAD to make the best album you could with that? it's interesting (and a bit painful) to think about...
in an amusing twist of irony, all the google targeted ads are for mackie mixers. :D
Damn right ! just looking at this pic and I feel like going to bed for a 100 years. Tell him to get himself some good old Roland gear at www.analogjapan.com
They are expensive but at least, he'll discover (too late ?) what FUN means. Turn some knobs Dude ! instead of polishing yours hahaha
[quote]It's really quite sad, and an excellent example of how bad things can get when a musician doesn't do drugs, drink, or smoke.[/quote]
i don't know- the middle kid in this picture ( http://www.tomgross.com/studio2004_040N2.jpg ) looks like he's lighting up some sort of wacky pipe...
seriously though- as uninspiring as that studio is, don't you wonder what would happen if you were put into some sort of gear purgatory and HAD to make the best album you could with that? it's interesting (and a bit painful) to think about...
in an amusing twist of irony, all the google targeted ads are for mackie mixers. :D
--Two soprano saxophones is enough to put him in the hall of shame.--
Maybe he's a big Kenny G fan. :)
Seriously though, how does he get away with doing professional work in a studio like that? He lists his gear as though he's proud of it.
Mind you, my home studio isn't that great either but I don't advertise for it either.
He did "Muppets in Space"? Thought they actually used cool Roland gear: http://www.flickr.com/photos/tpaddock/49990150/in/photostream/
I bought a Roland U-110 off of ebay recently, as my band requires a piano sound live for one song and it was the cheapest thing I could find that had a suitable piano sound. It came with 4 of the cards and I didn't need them/want them at all so I figured I'd put 'em up on ebay. I searched teh Internets to see if I could find a patch list or something for the cards and found that guy's site (where he proudly lists the U-110 expansion cards he has).
I _know_ one of you needs that Electric Guitar ROM card : http://search.ebay.com/_W0QQsassZdavidcopelandQQhtZ-1
i like the "Ode to Cologne" print on the wall. that's seriously fucking cool.
Ok, hold on a minute here- i'm looking at all his crap gear, but i don't see one single cross- none on the wall, none burned into his keyboards, not even a goddamn bible. What a heretic.
I like the oboe he's got on the table though.
Anyone thats still rocking a MC-50 AND a MC-80 is A-OK in my book, I say that without a single ounce of irony. How much sequencing does one need anyway?
My first two albums were sequenced on an MC-500, so I know from whence you speak.
Of course, I recorded them in 1991 and 1992. That's worth mentioning. Sequencers have come a little ways since then.
-CR
>He did "Muppets in Space"?
No not this guy, an all together different guy - with a similarly boring studio. i'm sure there were multiple people composing for the movie and I'm sure all the roland stock horns got replaced by real horns. I was brought in to help with Logic Audio and to make people feel cool and cutting edge. (haha)
W
Just above the light switch...
http://www.tomgross.com/Studio2005_031n_sm.jpg
doesn't that look all too familiar?
http://www.sistermachinegun.com/images/photos/other/gr5.jpg
Curious.
Someday this guy is going to google himself, and then he'll be really sad.
"Someday this guy is going to google himself, and then he'll be really sad."
Well, that may be true, but then again, you obviously haven't listened to the MP3 of "How Great Is His Love," which features all this awesome Roland gear.
http://www.tomgross.com/mp3/HowGreat.mp3
(I'm left wondering if that's bad grammar, or if he forgot the question mark, or what.) The point being, that at this stage of an artists' development, a little constructive criticism can go a long ways.
-CR
holy shit.
"How Great Is His Love" would be correct grammar if viewed not as a question but as a statement of assertion. Try saying it in your best Reverend Ike impression with an "O" in front of it.
I've chosen not to say anything about the song. I think it's best if I don't. Except to say it's comforting to know that 1986 wasn't lost but in fact taken in and given eternal life by the Christian music set.
On the upside, at least Sonicstate will be happy to know that at least one person out there eagerly reads their news page.
On a positive note, the google links haven't started pointing to general midi covers of C+C music factory songs composed for the D-50 yet...
I worked for a guy in New York that had a similar setup except he had an API lunchbox (he wasn't christian either, maybe that permitted the damnable transistors of an API). He was doing the music for "Muppets From Space." Wish I was kidding but I'm not.
How fucking funny! Well, you don't really expect contemporary xtian artists to be mucking around with MOTMs or a tabletop full of synthis or oberheims do ya? Maybe i shouldnt have said that- there's probably gonna be some doofus right now that just got an idea in his head that he needs to play Moog for God.
Wow. You're right. The only piece of gear I would want is the Alpha Juno 2, but I already have an Alpha Juno 1 and an MKS-50 (I do have a strange weekness for Junos)... This finally explains who buys/bought all that mid to late 90s Roland crap.
Are you guys high? The Roland MC-80 freeking rulez! Can anyone give us a rundown of what they see here? There are a couple of pieces I can't trainspot.
There's a gear list here:
http://www.tomgross.com/gearlist.htm
I stopped reading at the list of expansion cards for the XV-5080, because I fell asleep. For extra fun, here's the lyrics of one of his songs:
"Sky above, Earth below
Traveling out to vast unknown to greet me silently
Systems fine, look good
Unfamiliar neighborhood, escaping gravity"
I liked it better the first time when David Bowie sang it. I was even okay with the second time when Peter Schilling ran it through a paper shredder. But I draw the line...
I should really make it clear that it hurts me to make fun of people like this, and I only do this to myself in the interests of the greater good. But when the first link on someone's home page goes to Billy Graham.com, well, that's just asking for trouble.
-CR
This brings back horrible memories of the early 90s, the days of rompler hell.
Now I feel like a total ass, because I said in effect the same thing on the SMG.com blogthread.
Of course, every time I go to a "goth/industrial" club to see a show, the openers NEVER fail to run a shitty Roland.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad with the google comment – he deserves this jury of his peers. Perhaps he'll take a long look at his setup and get some proper gear. The tune is truly bad, especially "repay his debt," [cash register sound effect].
so that's Roland's market! i suspected it, but... really didn't know what their shit could be used for. Now, i see the light from the d-beam. Yes, once upon a time Roland made some nice things, but about 20 years ago, samplers and the DX7 killed them and I guess they never recovered and are now very spiteful.
http://www.carbon111.com/rustyinsects.html
I predict is your next gear porn friday. but he he has anime so that could be a a problem, anime of course is Japanese for Morman.
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