# Dear God, what hath I wrought? - Site: Analog Industries - Author: Chris Randall - Date: 2006-08-12 - URL: https://analogindustries.com/2006/08/dear-god-what-hath-i-wrought/ I know I said I was bored with this whole Diamond Dave thing in the last post, but seriously, what the fuck else is there to do on a Friday afternoon? I just got a nice pair of missives in my inbox. First this: _guess what im all most at your house. this joke is on you. and we I see you had to tell the police about your jokes. the laugh is on you hwhehehwhw im not laughing. see you in about 3 hours its a red eyed flight. cant wait to see you. i know everything about you. hhhhaaahhhahhaaa not laughing _ Then this: _ps on the internet there has been folks even killed. its a shame.that's a bloody shame. look it up if you don't believe me. hhhhaaahhha im no game. you might have. this I can laugh hhhhohhaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh _So, I guess if I don't post tomorrow, you might want to go to the [Statesman-Journal](http://www.statesmanjournal.com/apps/pbcs.dll/frontpage) site, hit the police blotter, and see if there's something like "Local Man Inexplicably Attacked By Belizian Cyber-Ninjas!" or that ilk. Dave is no game, after all. I mean, fuck. Three hours from Belize City to Mill City? That's, like, really fucking fast. I dig that about him. He really _is_ full of techno! Quite frankly, it's kind of a let-down that he's sending this bullshit. I really would like to be there when he tried to explain to Barney Fife and his little buddies (I live in an extremely small town) what the purpose of his visit was. They'd be, like, "okay. Where's the meth lab?" ## Comments (28) **studio nebula** (2006-08-12): Am I mistaken, or has the Diamond Dave Studios website vanished? Looks like the link on the first Diamond Dave entry on this site no longer works, and the YouTube videos seem to be gone also. --Adam (not Adam Jay) **noisegeek** (2006-08-12): You know, I've been trying to figure out what his "command" of the english language reminded me of, and I finally figured it out. In college I had a friend from Japan who used to write his papers in japanese and then use this little electronic japanes-to-english dictionary to tranlate them word by word. That's what Dave sounds like. Diamond Dave is a twenty something japanese hipster stuck in northern Michigan. **Chris Randall** (2006-08-12): And they just keep on comin'. I've received 14 death threats from Diamond Dave now. The price of journalistic integrity and all that. -CR **pohaku** (2006-08-12): Command of the English language is more like Babelfish. **neB** (2006-08-12): For all of you that STILL don't understand this fool, I went ahead and did some translation ... guess what im all most at yo' crib. dis here joke iz on ya. an' we's I see ya had ta tell da po-po about yo' jokes. da laugh iz on ya hwhehehwhw im not laughing. see ya in about 3 hours its uh red eyed flight. cant wait ta see ya. ah know everything about ya. hhhhaaahhhahhaaa not laughing ps on da internet dere has been folks even ganked. its uh shame.dat'suh bloody shame. peep it up if ya don' believe me. hhhhaaahhha im nahh game. ya might gots. dis here I can laugh hhhhohhaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh and git Sheniquah's ass back ova' heeah. **uvacom** (2006-08-12): Hypothetically, if I were accused of a crime, and I had to choose as my defense attorney, and the choice were between the actual Diamond Dave or the jive-speaking permutation thereof, I'd choose Jive-Dave every time. He's just got a lot more credibility, street or otherwise. Actually, it's an interesting phenomenon that things which are recidulous when said by Diamond Dave are actually completely plausible when translated into jive. **nathankirchner** (2006-08-12): His address and phone number is in his post at this link... http://comunidades.msn.es/AMMOAmateurMusiciansMeetingOthers/general.msnw?action=get_message&mview=0&ID_Message=24428&LastModified=4675555256459038774 Give him a call! I know he'd love to spurt the ramblings of an insane man at you! He is now also offering to master songs for $10 a song. Bargin... Hopefully he'll run it through his "camcorder effects loop" for that "real" feel. This guy scares me, Chris, maybe you should be freaked out?... its nut cases like this that do actually catch planes to far away places to "seek justice" **MidiMonk** (2006-08-12): this is getting to be sublime surreal, kind of like fear and loathing in cyberspace- the wrath of dave **Chris Randall** (2006-08-12): I've been a professional musician for 18 years now, and a "kind of famous" one for several of those years. Believe me when I say I've run in to far, far worse. After the tenth or so threat, I wrote back and was like "so fucking what, dude. Put up or shut up." Now, I'm getting a steady stream of e-mails that all are permutations on this new theme: "We have arrested Diamond for a net Crime. What are your remarks this is Chief of Crime Division on Police Dept of Police. Awaiting for your remarks " Of course, they're coming from the same e-mail account of the same fly-by-night ISP, in the same stupid-ass tiny font, with the same misspellings and grammatical mistakes. This guy has ceased to be amusing, and begun being annoying. Soon enough, he'll become irritating, and when that happens, I'll start calling his ISP and his landlord and whoever else I can find that this guy depends on and making his already miserable life moreso. (All that said with the full understanding that I brought this horror on myself. But I'll man up and admit that shit straight away.) -CR **Suit & Tie Guy** (2006-08-12): i'm proud of you. **AdamJay** (2006-08-12): wow Chris, you're really "taking one for the team" now. I kinda miss my daily death threats now. **BringMeUp** (2006-08-12): >> Three hours from Belize City to Mill City? That's, like, really fucking fast. >> I've received 14 death threats from Diamond Dave now. Have you completely forgotten about the private jets and bodyguards DiamondDave103™ has access to? After all, he is the real thing! he's got a printer and he's not afraid to print out your contact info and send them to his lawyer who can easily "internet" you to the underground MSN networks in Isreal and there's a good chance of you getting sued _and_ "recorded" in the court system... Man, you're messing with the wrong person! >> In fact, I submit that a prize would be in order for the first person to provide the Analog Industries audience with an MP3 of a recorded phone conversation where you call this guy and say you want to break big, and what can he do for you? What AdamJay did was kinda different, but he ended up providing two priceless MP3s. If you're up for giving him a free Reverence license, half of it would be on me! - BMU **AdamJay** (2006-08-12): no doubt, this guy can dup-a-cate up to 1 million CDs, folks! surely he can make it in under 3 hours to your house. don't underestimate anyone whose Roland digital multi-track records analog! Hobbits can't even fuck with that kind of magic. **Peppe** (2006-08-12): Chris, you're in danger. Dave's got access to charts and is loaded with techno. :-D Dave obviously reads this blog. So: Dave has taken some white stuff again. Naughty Dave. Now go back to school and learn to write. And while you're there, Dave, stay there a bit longer so that you do your exams, then get a real job, get a life - and eventually you might even get some pussy as well. (Which I doubt, you being such a dickhead, but if you manage to stay away from the washing powder, something good could come your way.) It's up to you. On the other hand, you could continue and amuse us even more with your fucked-up/coked-up loser babbling - which is actually very, very, funny. As I said, it's very much up to you. But fuck, man, you're less than nothing. Honor your mother: start behaving like a decent, grown-up man. Mama doesn't love you now. Mama wants to slap you and punch your teeth down your throat. Mama wants to grab your balls and twist them until you cry like a little girl. Right now she would kick your ass. **BringMeUp** (2006-08-12): >> don't underestimate anyone whose Roland digital multi-track records analog! Hobbits can't even fuck with that kind of magic. You're gonna have to ponny up 5K (flat consultation fee!) and the "master engineer" will reveal the secrets of analog recording on a VS!!! All that aside, speaking of a flat consultation fee makes me wanna worship guys like Trill and Bob K... - BMU **prepostra** (2006-08-12): It;s been over three hours. Has Diamond Dave shown up yet? Didn't think so. thatch **Synth_Sleezey** (2006-08-12): Are you dead now? **Diamond Dave McAnally 103** (2006-08-12): Holy shit Diamond Dave is on the hunt!! http://www.statesmanjournal.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060812/NEWS/608120332 **Chris Randall** (2006-08-12): No pipe bombs for me, sorry to say. This fucknut is, as usual, all hat no cattle. That said, he's sending me lyrics now. In truth, I think I'd prefer the pipe bomb. A sample: "fighting for freedom fighting for glory. this is our song so listen to the story. makes no diffrents if you right or wrong. were soldiers of war oooh hear our song." I guess he's working for Toby Keith now? Christ. -CR **jeddak** (2006-08-12): I agree with nathankirchner on this one. DD is pathetic and laughable, but definitely missing some crucial screws in the cranium. If this freakazoid were loose in my town looking for me, I'd be a little nervous. His grasp on reality seems pretty tenuous. If I were you, I'd just stop responding to his infantile, neurotic attempts to communicate - it only fans the flames. **puffer** (2006-08-12): When I dug through the YouTube videos to catch up on all this I was most amused when at the end of one he announced, "Now let's make some music." He proceeded to punch play and up comes Roadhouse Blues. (This is groan-worthy for so many reason, the least of which is every goddamn bar-band I've ever heard played this goddamn song. Also, the Doors suck.) Then he starts to sing along with the vocal which is apparently something he wrote. It sounded to me he was just singing over the orginal track, but obviously not a hard song to copy. Couldn't/didn't bother to hear what he was singing. So, Chris, maybe he'll start distributing CDs of him ranting over SMG tracks. Ooooh hear our song!!! **Diamond Dave McAnally 103** (2006-08-12): Man it's too bad you can't see his first two vids (he took them down, perhaps a petition to get them back online is in order?). The hotel tour was a classic. "This is the nicest hotel in the world....that I've ever stayed in" and "Have a nice day! I know I will!" (cue creepy pedophile-like grin) **joe** (2006-08-12): Wow. What I'm finding most amusing is that his threats are so poorly written that I'm pretty sure they wouldn't even stand as evidence if you were to pursue litigation. I *think* he's threatening you, but he might just as well be asking for directions to Wal-Mart or something. So, in the later messages, is he trying to make you believe he's already been arrested for being an E-Thug? Strange fellow that one. --joe ps. Diamond Dave: please don't contact me. My MSN's aren't working too well and they've been bouncing back internets to the sender. Also, I'm a no-talent ass-hack that can't be helped by your superior skills. **RexRhino** (2006-08-12): I wouldn't recommend doing anything to mess with Diamond Dave... for all you know it could be some Analog Industries poster making a lame attempt at humor... or someone else with a beef trying to incriminate DD or make fun of him. And if his death threats were full of shit before (and basicly all death threats are full of shit, because if you planned on killing someone you wouldn't warn them ahead of time), when you actually start messing with a person's home or livelyhood, people might becoming dangerous for real. Back when I was checking thousands of fan emails a day, I found the funniest thing to do for death threats was send them a "Thanks for the feedback and being a loyal fan!" form email. Nothing is more humiliating to someone sending death threats than to think that it is going straight into the garabage bin without being read. **Chris Randall** (2006-08-12): DD's account was logged on posiNET the moment he signed up to post, and he was banned for all eternity. (If you're interested in a laugh, the screen name he chose for himself was "AdamJay-86" or some shit like that.) We vet all newcomers, because it's easier to do that than leave the sites idle for three days and come back and have 10 million advertisements for Cialis or 20 posts in a row from some bullshit idiot (e.g. Diamond Dave) going on about some drama or another. So, there's no worries there. I've added his addresses to my Heluna blacklist, so I've effectively cut him off from being able to communicate with me, short of actually coming to my house, which he's too pussy to actually do, because "all hat no cattle" bitches like him never put their money where their mouth is. (As an aside, for those not aware, Heluna is the absolutely fantastic email security suite we use. More info here: http://www.heluna.com/ and if you run your own server or mini-farm like we do for posiNET, strongly recommended. Think about this: my main email address is 12 years old, and I've posted on UseNET and web forums thousands of times, and I get basically no spam, virii, worms, whatever, on any of the six email addresses I use. Speaks volumes, there.) -CR **penzoil washington** (2006-08-12): well, he at least has shown the sense to delete his youtube stuff....maybe you should do him one final (if undeserved) service and kill all these threads. his entertainment value is by now completely exhausted anyway. and really, he has so little common sense that i would feel better if he were off your case. **Diamond Dave McAnally 103** (2006-08-13): wha? Naw, Chris's response to Diamond Dave has to be one of the best monologues ever committed to writing. 'There's an easy solution to this: Stop being such a fucking idiot' -god if I had a dime for every time I should have just used that phrase **freecat** (2006-08-17): Who is Diamond Dave? Cat wants to know?