Diamond Dave's Treatise On CD Marketing...
From the original Analog Industries archive. Some links and images from that era no longer resolve.
I know I said I was done with this fucktard, but it’s just too fun. “Not a problem.”
From the original Analog Industries archive. Some links and images from that era no longer resolve.
I know I said I was done with this fucktard, but it’s just too fun. “Not a problem.”
51 comments
This guy seems knowlegable, friendly, and enthusiastic. How can I take advantage of his top-quality services?
c.
if i ever need one of those little monitors.....
that one was truly painful.
later duuude!
d.
Aren't CDs, like, 90's technology?
OMFG! He can order stuff? Let me get this straight; just outright ORDER stuff? I feel like I've been wasting my time, like, buying things when DD could just ORDER it for me.
Splendid.
Friggin A. Would someone please take away this guys internets?
I keep waiting for him to tell us about all the special deals he can offer on t-shirts, flatware and church paraphernalia as well.
Diamond Dave - from fucktard to junk merchant and back.
Does he break into studios, film little bits and split? Or does he actually own all of that crap? And what would you do with 11 400-disc changers of Diamond Dave music anyway, besides torture Saddam?
i heard he was THE official distributor for audio damage plugins. and he's got like 3, no 4 pc's full of them. thats a lot of plugins.
oh look and over there is more... thats 5 then.
hows that diamond dave plug coming?
"Now this custom PC (aka alienware case) kicks serious ACE!!"
That creepy little laugh he has should be made into a soundbyte for something. He only performs it every 20 seconds since he donned his new 'crackhead-engineer' persona (which immediately followed 'creepy hotel tourguide').
DAMN YOU CAFEPRESS FOR PUSSING OUT ON THAT SHIRT!!!
'simple". is he in some kind of pawnshop? this is crazy. so so crazy.
i think dave mustaine is sitting behind him in the beginning of this clip.
Being a Christian, I should try and show compassion for all...
You have NO idea how hard when Chris keeps sharing these little gems ;)
Of course he doesn't distribute AD plugins, but apparently he can order them!
This really is too weird. I'm honestly not sure what he thinks he's hawking here: started off talking about supplying CDs of "orginal" music, ends up, well, I'm not sure what he was trying to prove.
But what do you think? Seems someone is pirating some music on a rather large scale.
at the risk of missing something here, what does he actually use 11x 400-cd changers for?
i could understand maybe 1 or 2 if he hires them out or something, but 11?
also, if i was after a small, portable television, for example - could someone explain to me why i might go to diamond dave to ORDER it for me...??
so this is how an advertisement for an illegal copied cd shop looks like?
This is so sinister. It's like the opening sequence of a horror film.
I love watching these. Any minute, I expect a guy to appear in the background to show up and yell "David, I thought I told you to get the @#$% out of here and never come back!"
Yeah, haha. This is some Norman Bates shit.
From the comment section of this youtube video regarding someone who asked if people were still using cds (with the advent of mp3s, ipods, etc) comes this odd and completely unrelated response:
>>
Diamond Dave:
yes i have 100,000 songs but it made of glass
and net free from gamers and hackers
ya cant touch glass.
or my hard drive it not on the net eheheheheheheheheeheheh
i protect the artist. you forget im a studio.
>>
Ehehehehehehehe.
I think we're only one short step away from Diamond Dave Fan Fiction here.
-CR
amazing how he manages to do the creepy laugh even in text. someone commented on his original youtube video "are you high?" and his response was
"no i dont get high i had a cold
i dont do drugs hey let me put in in a closed room for 13 years and see if you dont get sick
heheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheh
rec is my life plus im a fun guy.
and kids want to learn plus i have a little time to say alot and most folks lov me. see ya."
whew. thank goodness it was just a cold. i thought maybe it was drugs or something. 'kids want to learn.' he should really consider a career as a teacher.
Wow...no matter how big a monitor is, he can order it for me. I was stupid with go with newegg this whole time.
Hasn't he had a cold pretty much ever since he started dropping tours of his studio? And I will go on record right now and say that whatever "cold" he's catching looks like the most awesome cold EVAR.
Awesome DD T shirt slogan:
"rec is my life plus im a fun guy."
Just saw this from one of the comments on his vid:
http://www.analogindustries.com/
too many kids they play word games
they think they know the facts about diamondave103
they know little. warning this web page has alot of cyberbullys i fell in to there trap but i wised up to adamjay he is big cyberbully plus he works in groups of three to six persons they just want to get you mad and play with your head and play words plus post things you that you did not chat about.get.the world should be warned about this.these guys are kids.
ADAM JAY IS OMNIPRESENT!!
Kids? Dollars to donuts I'm older than that fucknut.
I'll own up to the bully part, though. ;-)
-CR
i really wasn't going to look again, but i just had to. i like when he says 'if you're a radio station and you need music, we got some music heheheheh'
didn't know that's how it works at those big radio stations. i can hear the program director now; 'hey guys? you know, we need some more music to play on the radio. i know! let's call that guy down in Belize. he has some music cds.'
Not just a bully, but a Cyberbully.
Does that make us all Cyberpunks?
Well, Dave, in your case, a CyberDrunk, but I take your point.
-CR
I thought I read in a previous comments section that Diamond Dave actually had been pirating local (Belize) bands. There was a newspaper article about it, something about a up-and-coming rock group who saw badly photocopied/burned versions of their CD in a shop and tracked it back to Diamond Dave, who hid behind Belize's nonexistent copyright enforcement to justify making a profit off other people's hard work and creativity.
Wait, here it is- the band's name is the Punta rebels:
http://www.channel5belize.com/archive_news_cast.php?news_date=1998-07-03
So that's what he does with all that equipment.
That dude really need to go on drug rehab.
Still, Diamond Dave has the undeniable virtue of making everyone feel grateful they are someone else.
I'm not so sure that he's trying to market something or tell other people what he can do for them.
I think he may be trying to re-affirm for himself things that *he* can *actually do*.
"I can order CDs. Simple! I can order monitors. Simple!"
We can note that *multiplication* is NOT one of the things he can do. You can almost feel him trying to think how many CD's he has in all those "holders" at one point.
Uh, I wouldn't be so sure it was a "cold." Check this out on Dave Ingersol...
http://www.nh.gov/judiciary/supreme/3jx/2004/20040318.pdf#search=%22Dave%20Ingerson%22
wow is that really diamond daves' court case?
please tell me he's on the lamb in belize...
at least he didn't get popped for intent with the blow
I have a sneaking suspicion that NONE of that gear is hooked up. Seriously, the --ELEVEN-- worthless cd changers, the "big screen" tv, the PC and all that junk from the previous videos. My hunch says no patch cables in the back, no interconnects, no XLRs, just an occasional power cord.
Smart money is on it being cobbled together like some sort of twisted non-functional assemblage art made out of stuff from some pawn shops he knocked over. My guess is that he just ran around LA hitting Cash Americas, loaded the lot into an Econoline and cut ruts south. In the next video he'll have a toaster oven and DX100 next to a row of 9 turntables talking about "And if you need your bread toasted, we can ARRANGE THAT, heheheha ahahehe ahehehe" (yoda voice) "yes, toast bread can we"
Wow. That is so damn weird. I have absolutely no fucking clue what he's talking about.
...and I can't stop laughing.
hooooo!
OK... So when is someone going to contact Dave, pretending to be a band looking for distribution or radio play and send him a fake demo... or contact Dave and pretend to be a radio station looking for music?
Having been stalked and threatened with anal rape by someone calling themselves "Diamond Dave" in the past, it ain't gonna be me. But if someone else doe it it, and posts the audio and video, the good karma of bringing us lots of entertainment will most certainly be greater than the bad karma of picking on a retard!
So...DD bought all his equipment with money from pirated CD sales?
No, he spent all that money on blow. He _ordered_ all the equipment.
-CR
"He _ordered_ all the equipment"
Exacly! He didnt even once thru the entire DD Trilogy said that he accualy payed for the stuff :P
so im guessing its stolen or his FBI mom paid for it.
I'm glad CR shares these with us all. I was sitting here in self pity till I saw that. Now I feel MUCH better about myself.
U guys see his site is back online? http://diamondstudio.spaces.live.com/
Don't Call It A Comeback!
How many 8trk he dupacate?
http://diamondstudio.spaces.live.com/
omg. that site is hilarious.
"Sorry we dont do Shrink-wrap yet."
Stairway Denied!
"This video is no longer available."
I tried to watch this video the other day, but I had to turn it off in aggrivated disbelief. But today I was back for more punishment, so thank gods for those phone calls you have archived here in the earlier DD posts. I was gasping for breath...
These are still up:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KrR73DfERNU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oYa5synWojI
Does anyone know how to archive those locally?
from the second link above:
[picks up his wireless mouse]
"OK, it's always good to be wireless – but not too wireless, OK?"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oYa5synWojI
ah... its the M.O. 2 --> i knew i had been saying it wrong. curse those unicorns.
For those planning to download these U-t00b links to their computer in case they get pulled, forget it. Its probably against their terms of use or EULA. To visit sites like:
http://javimoya.com/blog/youtube_en.php
http://www.videodl.org/
Where you just paste in the URL of any vid-site link and it downloads the whole movie file in a snap is underhanded and mean spirited. I mean what would happen if people did mashups and the like? Despicable.
all the videos of dave seem to be missing in action
The video at the top of this thread is MIA, but the other two are loading fine for me...
Dave's been snorting shit up his nose again. Naughty Dave.
Funny, no matter how depressed I'd be, seeing Dave all coked up just gives me a reason to smile - life's been so good to me, after all.
One question though: What's the approximate amount of gak/blow/shit Dave consumes per day? Any thoughts, anyone?
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