# Fucktard Of The Year Candidate... - Site: Analog Industries - Author: Chris Randall - Date: 2006-09-08 - URL: https://analogindustries.com/2006/09/fucktard-of-the-year-candidate/ God damn, I just want to slap the shit out of this bitch. I don't think anyone (even his wife) would argue that this dude is a fucking idiot. (Blame [aKido.](http://www.akido.biz/) I'm just the messenger.) ## Comments (39) **frugalpole** (2006-09-08): nevermind. **go** (2006-09-08): phew. For a second there, I though it might be a version of Joy Division's "She's Lost Control" Thank goodness it wasn't. I certainly can't wait until his 15 minutes are up like his washed up hillbilly trailertrash wife. And if anyone has the capability, I wouldn't mind seeing that family ground up into meat sausage and fed to Ryan Seacrest. **Chris Randall** (2006-09-08): You think with all the money spent on this fucking project, they could have hired someone to teach him stage presence. It's really rare to see a performance this uninspiring from the big leagues. -CR **boobs** (2006-09-08): big leagues? who's in teh big leagues? big dollars dont = big leagues. the dancers seemed up to par. talk about some seriously shallow lyrics. doesnt everyone know it's his wife's money anyway? yeah, we know you're wife's rich dude... now what do you have to say? lame anyway you slice it. **Chris Randall** (2006-09-08): Big Leagues = the people behind the performer, not the performer himself. That whole setup, from the press agent to the guitar player, is union pro. It's just the choad behind the mic that blows. We'd call this a payday in the production business. -CR **nathankirchner** (2006-09-08): I think Vanilla Ice may just of lost his crown... **inteliko** (2006-09-08): Four measures of fucktard! Shit,Diamond Dave endorses the Behringer Euro can of ass with tubes!Ahh shit ...LMAO even if someone can just photo shop a fake Diamond Dave endorsement ad for the MC-909 with the famous loaded with techno comment... **bleen** (2006-09-08): fukk. when did it become cool in rap to sound lazy and have no rhythm to the rhyme? give me chuck d any day. **ecallender** (2006-09-08): Fuckitty fuck, fuck! Where's Sandman Sims when you need him? Why does this cockfag keep getting access to big media outlets? Whichever Ellen producer thought Federline would be a slam-dunk for the daytime demographic should have her head shaved with a cheese grater. That reminds me... every time I turn around, some lame-ass, down on his luck record exec or TV hack is complaining about how iTunes, MySpace, YouTube, piracy, etc. is hurting his business. Its not the internet, dickneck, its continually pushing this shit that's fucking the business up. Hell man, bring back David Cassidey. **ecallender** (2006-09-08): BTW — On CR's point about everyone else being union pros — anybody who gets up on stage with this clown should get booted from the union. **blinkman** (2006-09-08): Nothing to say. That's the phrase that leaps to mind when I hear dreck like this, or Supernova, or (while I'm on that subject) The Panic Channel (yes folks, Dave Navarro isn't just a game show host...he has a band too!). Complacent jackasses with marginal ability and plenty of money, and absolutely NOTHING TO SAY. This is the furthest thing from artistic expression...this is professional lifestyle maintenance. They hire whatever experts they need to meet the requirements for "contemporary music" and everyone hedges their bets for maximum market penetration, to hopefully ensure adequate returns to continue their decadent, anything-but-rock-and-roll lifestyles. I doubt even K-Fed thinks he's pulling one over on anyone with taste. You don't appear on the fucking Ellen show and expect to find credibility among hip hop or rock fans. This is aimed squarely at Middle American housewives and their children. And they'll probably sell LOTS of records. c. **mwanz** (2006-09-08): This guy had a totally shim-flam interview in GQ this month. He's a pretty "intellectualized" fella. I am confident --in this case-- what you see is what you get. **RexRhino** (2006-09-08): I don't know why this is so bad... Normally you can buy yourself a great producer, great choreography, great vocal coach (or rapping coach I guess, cause it is 'the hip-hop flavor with a little bit of rock and roll'), and work the guy 16 hours a day and he should come out of this a decent performer. Not a great performer, but anybody can be a decent performer if they practice. How was this disaster possible? **RexRhino** (2006-09-08): Here is an even more inspired performance by K-Fed: http://youtube.com/watch?v=SAAoaAUmNWQ **shamann** (2006-09-08): Has the fucking guy ever even heard hip hop before? Cause you wouldn't know it to listen to him. Someone needs to introduce him in a hurry to a metronome and bagful of unstupid. **dan s** (2006-09-08): So this is kevin federline(?)... I used to wonder why everyone was so upset, but now I know. **Peppe** (2006-09-08): Ok, I'm convinced now. Style, intelligence and attitude cannot be bought with your trailer park white trash wife's money. I wonder what it takes to silence these kinda wannabes? That's so not-cool and 90's in a wrong, millivanillish way. I know what Fenny-K thinks right now: "I'm on the internets, I'm more famous than my fat-arsed wifey!" More than K-Fed-up's wanker dance movements, it bothers me that the keyboard player is actually sitting down. You don't sit (nor bow) down unless you got a worthy piece in front of you - a grand piano, some nice Hammond, a Rhodes/Wurly or a clav. No fucking workstations. On the same line with Kevvy is his guitar player; I think that guy's cigarrette wasn't even burning. :-D **boobs** (2006-09-08): bagful of unstupid! that's great. lol payday.. exactly what i was thinking. you can't polish a turd though. **puffer** (2006-09-08): blinkman, you hit it on the head. I caught some of that Rock Star shit the other week, and other than being appalled at the vocal ability of the idiots singing (singing louder does not make up for the fact that your off key people!), all I could think was this was the most un-"rock 'n' roll" shit I had ever seen. Apply all the mascara and tattoos you want, these people have more in common with Liberace than Jim Morrison. This? It's beyond reproach. On a miquetoast daytime talk show, backed by a bunch of GIT grads, and barely keeping up with your backing vocal tracks - no matter what his intentions (and I fully believe he is completely buys his own schtick), this is about making money. I await his debut on Dancing with the Stars. **Jaysen** (2006-09-08): Don't like him at all but the rap isn't that bad even though he's copying the styles of rappers who actually can rap. Noticed one facial expression he did that looks identical to the one Vanilla Ice did in his video. Ironic/Moronic. Unfortunately, kfed doesn't even hold a candle to the DD (TM). Not even close. **Aahzekiel** (2006-09-08): I'd rather listen to Scotty Ian rap with Anthrax as his backing band. **solipstnation** (2006-09-08): Wow, that's like a flashback to 1984, except sucky. I mean, breakdancing? Is that cool again? And the backing music wouldn't have sounded out-of-place 20 years ago. **moyashi** (2006-09-08): I live in NYC and travel a few times a year to Japan and Europe. I haven't watched American TV in over two years and generally distance myself as much as possible from mainstream popular culture, so I've never heard of this Federline creature. If he represents the current zeitgeist of the masses, we are indeed in trouble as a nation. This clip is pretty depressing from the whole host of reasons mentioned in above posts, but I have to wonder if perhaps this individual actually represents the mentality of a large number of our fellow citizens. I've noticed that many of my colleagues in their late 20s to early 30s (I'm late 30s), who are *ostensibly* university-educated, seem to have never read any real literature; are unaware of the fact that the current "top 40" is not the summa of millennia of human musical endeavor; are nearly incapable of qualitative discrimination; are without considered political and philosophical positions; are incapable of seeing themselves as part of a global human community; are primarily interested in conspicuous consumption; are entirely unaware that they are pod-bound matrix-dwellers brainwashed by contemporary hyper-capitalism. This is the level of intellectual development and awareness one used to expect from 13 year olds, not 30 year olds. What is happening here? Federline seems to be just another symptom of this degeneration. We artists must keep fighting the good fight - art preserves and transmits the virus of civilization, and expresses that noblest and most fragile human craving: for enlightenment. **rrrobc** (2006-09-08): pretentious intellectualism is also worthy of the fucktard mantle ^^^ **moyashi** (2006-09-08): Just my honest feelings, rrrobc...sorry for being over-earnest, but it sprang from a genuine place and some serious real-world experiences. I'm also a writer, so please forgive the writerese (it comes a bit too easily to me). The generational responses to the war in Vietnam and the war in Iraq are a big tip-off. See anybody getting shot at Kent State these days? Nope, they've all gone shopping. Don't get me wrong - I'm not trying to brand an entire generation...the consumers have always outnumbered the creators, and "Federlines" have existed in every era. I simply see some disturbing connections. I hopefully assume that we on this board are involved in the creation of (sonic) art and that in addition to making a living it is about *more* than that. I've been working with Tibetan refugee and torture-victim musicians, and believe me, for them it's ALL about *more* than that. **space_monkey** (2006-09-08): damn, 30? that dude's older than I am. anyway, for the record, I thought everyone knew by now that you CAN polish a turd. You just gotta freeze it first. Seems like they were all outta freon when they made that video, though. **space_monkey** (2006-09-08): blame the kyoto protocol **D' MacKinnon** (2006-09-08): I've seen better stage presence from my left shoe. Honestly, you know Britney has the direct dial number to countless choreographers, couldn't she have called one up and spent a few months teaching her boy a few things about performance? **RexRhino** (2006-09-08): [quote]I live in NYC and travel a few times a year to Japan and Europe. I haven't watched American TV in over two years and generally distance myself as much as possible from mainstream popular culture, so I've never heard of this Federline creature[/quote] Here is a very important Onion story for you to read, moyashi: http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28694 **neB** (2006-09-08): I wish abominations like this could, at least, be inspiring to REAL artists to push harder...but, it's just sad. Just, plain sad. The rich get richer/poor stay poor, the talentless get indorsed...while the true artists, well... /kicking on the cruise control driving down Times are Hard Dr... **moyashi** (2006-09-08): Rex - Thanks for that - it's hilarious! Dude, I just said I don't watch American TV...I do absorb a good amount of Japanese and British stuff though. I don't really have time per se to watch much, but my toddler is addicted to the British kid shows (Thomas the Tank Engine, etc), and my wife has the Japanese programming on all the time (NHK real-time cable subscription) to keep in touch with her home culture. Personally, I'm an NPR-head. Radio rules! **inasilentway** (2006-09-08): Bonus fucktard points: he illegally sampled "She Blinded Me With Science" to write a playa-hata song. Did he really think that Thomas Dolby was going to miss that? **ecallender** (2006-09-08): Yeah, That Thomas dolby thing is hysterical. He was so dissmissive about The Fed when interviewed for the August 24 episode of Soundcheck. Its funny how he didn't even sample the TD version of 'Science'. It was the Mobb Deep version! He probably didn't even know what the fuck he was copying. BTW — Dolby also says in the interview that he didn't even know who Federline was because he doesn't watch television! Score one for Moyashi. http://www.wnyc.org/shows/soundcheck/episodes/2006/08/24 **go** (2006-09-09): pretentious intellectualism or loquacious-ness; either way I would tend to agree with moyashi. I'm not quite as "experience" (read, not nearly late-30s), but see the same thing. It's absurd how easily some seemingly intelligent people are willing to accept something because it's convenient and not because it's good. Although, I often wonder if maybe it's me that's wrong. Maybe everyone else is right and K-Fed, or E40, or The White Stripes, or fill-in-the-blank-with-a-current-radio-band really ARE good musicians and I'm off my rocker. Alls I knows is that if you sat Jhon Balance down with K-Fed for a discussion, I'd wager K-Fed's head would implode within minutes. There's something to be said for world experience vs. silver spoon experience. eh. **Chris Randall** (2006-09-09): Personally, I have in my head a cage match: K-Fed v. Agent Orange. Two bands enter. One band leaves. -CR **RexRhino** (2006-09-09): Joe: See, this is where you are all mixed up... E40, The White Stripes, have musical skills. They might be pop music, and not my cup of tea - But it is undeniable that they have some sort of talent. I have no trouble seeing why E40 or The White Stripes would be pop stars. Like most pop musicians, they probably have more music skills than most of the people who think it is cool to diss them... not enjoying the music is purely a matter of taste and style. But K-Fed is totally talentless. There is no redeeming qualities whatsoever. He is attrociously bad. I mean, he must not have spent even 1 hour a day practicing. Anyone, I mean anyone, no matter how talentless, could be a better 'rapper' than him by simply practicing 1 hour a day for 30 days. With all the money tied up in his career, you would think there would be someone, somewhere, to demand that he give even the tiniest bit of effort. K-Fed is not an example of pop music bullshit. Pop music is actually better than that. K-Fed is an example of a critical failure of the pop music machine. It is like the the Union Carbide Bhopal India Disaster of the pop music industry. **Audio Lemon** (2006-09-09): I think you guys are over thinking this one... He's a greedy, stoopid, talentless media leech.... it's all in the headline Fucktard of the Year! **shamann** (2006-09-09): "Alls I knows is that if you sat Jhon Balance down with K-Fed for a discussion..." Considering Jhonn Balance is dead, I imagine you'd scare K-Fed real good by doing that. The shock might even be enough to keep him on beat. **woodwater** (2006-09-11): It's Rock'n'Rap! Weee!