It's a hit, bitches!
From the original Analog Industries archive. Some links and images from that era no longer resolve.
LOOKING FOR A RECORD DEAL. DIAMONDDAVE103
EMAIL ME diamonddave103@hotmail
A&R ARE WELCOME.
Man, I wish I could make this shit up. (Ethan Callander is the one with all the free time on his hands…)
62 comments
That's the worst case scenario right there. It's bad, but not so bad that it's funny. Derivitave as hell, but somewhat competently so. It's just sort of boring.
I'll say this, I'd rather hear this guy sing than talk any time.
I guess autotune isn't one of the things he can order.
It reminds me of the scene in Boogie Nights where Marky Mark and John C. Reilly are doing their awful coke nightmare music.
They can take your CD changers away Dave, but they can't take away the magic... it's all yours!
I'll throw myself on the grenade as a good samaritan and transcribe this for people. I'll be ok in day or two, don't bother about me, if I listen to enough progressive trance I figure I can sever off the part of the brain that touched this:
--TRANSCRIPT OF DD's VOGON POETRY:
I found my secrets in a wishing well
But this I'll never tell
I found my secrets in a wishing well
But this I'll never tell
I keep smelling sweet perfume
But on this road I travel
So I keep on looking on
I just close my eyes and I dream
Sweet music of yo'
I just close my eyes, and dream
Close my eyes, Close my eyes
Sweet music, Sweet music of you
Connecting the strings of the past
So I've got this song
and I must be, must be must be moving on
Dreeeaming, Dreeeemin, Dreeeemin
Dreamin of yo'
I can't understand it, when feelings are so strong
Love is a feelin' that must hold on
I just close my eyes, I just close my eyes
I'm Dreeeeeemin' sweet music of you
Dreeeeeeam, Dreeemin' of yo' (haaaw)
Kansas City, everything is pretty
Im in Chicago, the feel (oh ray?)
Travellin' to Tennesee (hokagin?) where I want to be
Rome, Paris, Italy, France, Israel
So I've got this song, and I must be, must be, must be
moving on.
Sweet music to you.
www.analogindustries.com
The biggest DD fansite on the web :D
he's ready alright:
rate my song looking for a rec. deal.
ready to go on the road worldwide tour.
only big companys like A&R GUYS AND GALS.
MTV WOULD BE A PLUS. THANKS DIAMONDDAVE103
he doesn't give up, does he?
Not a bad voice. A little coaching and some practice to improve the intonation, and he could have something. Kind of Bryan Ferry-meets-Roky Erikson, I think.
> "(hokagin?)"
I think he's singing "home cookin'".
i'm confused- how come the grammar and writing of his lyrics are the complete opposite of mumbo-jumbo haphazard way he talks, i.e. "maded just 5,000 you add it up. and see if im talking trash.
later to all my dude fans out there im going to give ya the works.
and for those who are stuck just watch and learn the easy way.
mmmmmmmmmmm heheheheheheheheh dude of the diamonddave."
So does he have someone write his retorts or is he having someone write his lyrics- or both? And if he runs a studio, don't ya think he'd already have a list have contacts within the industry to pass his demos onto instead of basically asking for anyone out there who *happen* to stumble onto his youtube vid to give him a record deal?
Not a bad voice?! Come on, listen to that first line again.
Really, the best part of that is that he's not actually playing guitar. Watch his hands. It's not that complicated a guitar part, and his left hand isn't in the same place for any of the parts: sometimes he's way up the neck for the V turnaround, sometimes down in the root position.
Who knows if he actually put those backing tracks together, but he's got the TV-rocker mime thing *down*.
I heard..."I found my cigarettes in a wishing well" on that first line. Unless the well was dry, can DD order a new pack?
I didn't choose to actually disect the song/performance to the degree you guys have on my first viewing. I was too busy wincing. But needs must when the devil drives. So...
You'll note that the guitar part he's "playing" has absolutely nothing to do with the guitar part on the track, which is entirely first position single-note shit. He's only miming the actual guitar part in the first three measures of the electric piano solo. And even then, he's doing a normal folk strum to a single-note line. If the guitar he's playing was actually plugged in and on the track, playing that tone, you'd hear something that bore a striking resemblance to Jesus & Mary Chain at their noisiest, I think.
Now, that aside, his voice actually is workable. Any reasonable producer could do something with it. But not in that Kenny G Blues Genre.
Yes, AI is the biggest Diamond Dave Fan Site. No doubt about it. I'm actually thinking of action figures.
-CR
http://www.eliteskills.com/z/118780
wow theres this on eliteskills.com too
Author: diamond_dave
ASL Info: 33, m. belieze city
Elite Ratio: 0.93 - 0/0/2
Words: 51
Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
Total Views: 73
Average Vote: No vote yet.
Bytes: 342
Description:
i was going through some realy difficult stuff with this one guy that like i dont even know. i was angry, so i wrote this. then i felt better.
Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.
reckoning in oregon
-------------------------------------------
guess what im all most at your house.
im not laughing.
see you in about 3 hours its a red eyed flight.
cant wait to see you.
hhhhaaahhhahhaaa not laughing
its a shame.that's a bloody shame.
hhhhaaahhha im no game.
you might have.
this I can laugh hhhhohhaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh
Hehe. Action Figures...
Cocaine not included :)
I think i just vomited in my mouth.
"its a shame.that's a bloody shame.
hhhhaaahhha im no game.
you might have.
this I can laugh hhhhohhaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh"
Oh man that part cracks me up so bad. Not because of what he's saying, but he is the ONLY person I've ever seen that can't even spell "haha" properly. I know there's lots of different ways of spelling it, and lots of people have their own variations on the same theme, but hhhohhaaaaaaaahhhhhh? It just adds to the overall maniacal madness that is Diamond Dave
hey Chris,
Can you make like a sample library/UI that just has DD's voice?
maybe that can be the next plugin.
Isn't that guitar riff Born Under A Bad Sign?
Also, he's not actually singing in that clip from what I can tell.
But the nightvision kicks ass!
Wasn't he in Blues Hammer?
Would that kind of soft white-guy blues song fly on MTV, even back in the days of Dire Straights and Eddie Money? I mean, it is a forgone conclusion it wouldn't be on MTV nowadays, but I have a hard time believing that even if you were stuck in the 80s you would believe MTV would want that stuff.
Maybe if he were british, sang more whiny and nasal, and put a lot of reverb on the guitar, he might have had a shot... in the 80s.
Was it shot in nightvision mode because he was sneaking into a music shop at 4am to record this?
my fave lyric:
"rome, paris, italy, france, israel"
a bit redundant, don't you think?
Once again, DD has only to open his mouth for three minutes to provide an almost infinite amount of material for laffs. It's truly amazing.
"reckoning in oregon
-------------------------------------------
guess what im all most at your house.
im not laughing.
see you in about 3 hours its a red eyed flight.
cant wait to see you.
hhhhaaahhhahhaaa not laughing
its a shame.that's a bloody shame.
hhhhaaahhha im no game.
you might have.
this I can laugh hhhhohhaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh"
Wait a sec, isn't this possibly a revenge poem about Adam here? DD's poetry entry is dated Aug 17, and it was on Aug 11 that Adam posted DD's voicemail to him here on this thread:
http://www.analogindustries.com/blog/entry.jsp?msgid=1155284372967&page=2#replies
DD's poetry entry:
http://www.eliteskills.com/z/114809
Dang ! what a waste of pixel :/
I mean, he prefaces this poem (and I apologize for repeating (again) what was already posted here):
"i was going through some realy difficult stuff with this one guy that like i dont even know. i was angry, so i wrote this. then i felt better."
..which fits the scenario.
Word.
Check it.
I think that eliteskillz DD stuff was probably conjured by one of his many fans
The Plan:
1.) Record a video of myself lip-syncing and playing guitar to my awesome song (I can't actually play guitar, but I'm sure no one will notice). Use night-vision effect for that professional touch.
2.) Put the video on YouTube, soliciting a record deal from the major label A&R executives who troll YouTube all day looking for new talent.
3.) Rocket to stardom.
It can't fail!
American Idol anyone?
I dunno. I am getting an "Atlanta Rythm Section meets The Cure" feel. That air guitar solo is criminal.
AdamJ:
"rome, paris, italy, france, israel"
It is like an IQ test question. Fill in the blank:
"rome, paris, [blank], italy, france, israel"
A) New York
B) London
C) Jerusalem
D) Chicago
Following the logic (?!?), it would be Tel Aviv, I think. Capital cities and all.
-CR
Did he say, "Waukegan"? DD: You have to confirm or deny the lyrics for your fanbase. We're all over the map.
reminds me of what you would see in a bar on beale st. in memphis
Except the guys in the bar on Beale St. would be covering "Mustang Sally" instead of doing an original.
-CR
This guy is a huge talent, he reminds me of early Don Johnson, before he sold out....."Just Lookin' for a Heartbeat" same impeccable timing, same lyrical genius.
Sadly tonight, it seems that DD has removed all the cam videos that has made him so famous in the land of Belize. All that is left is a single video of him preparing for his one night only at Austin City Limits. *sigh*
Anyone happen to have saved his vids for posterity?
Oh my dear god. I don't know which of the nightshot videos is creepier, Aphex Twin's Rubber Johnny or this one? Brrr.
Hmm. 8-bit loops, some knobtwiddling & analog bubbling, video by Chris Cunningham, call it trip hop with a country twist... Listen guys, I think we might have something. He COULD be the next Beck.
:-D
Oh, the PAIN, the PAIN!
Make it stop please!
The best part by far is at the end, when he does his Diamonddave103 looks into the camera, fingerbangs the viewer, and makes sure that the A&R guyz and galz get just a glimpse of his rediculously world class pro studio in which this chart topper was undoubtedly recorded.
Jesus, don't you guys ever stop?? You're makin me cry :O LOL
Rubber Johnny + DD video mashup. It has to happen, NOW!
Diamond Dave just wrote our ISP to complain about "hate crimes" against him from AI. Unfortunately for him, our ISP is, well, us. The posiNET server farm literally shakes with fear. Here's the letter:
remove my name from this data base.
Creative Commons License.
you may lose your license
if i file my case to court.
for hate crimes.
plus saying things
that i sayed
that i have not said.
so please
i ask for the last time remove my good name
diamond recording studio ltd.
and diamonddave103
or diamonddave
or diamond dave
my lawer wants to ask.
CAN YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT A HATE CRIME IS.
AND COPYRIGHT LAWS .
DIAMOND RECORDING STUDIO LTD.
IS A WORLDWIDE COMPANY.
DIAMOND RECORDING STUDIO LTD.
HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH WEB PAGE.
PLEASE STOP USING OUR COMPANY
AS A BAT AND BALL. OR WE SHALL PLAY THE GAME RIGHT
IN COURT.
YOU SHOULD SCREEN YOUR FACT OF THE WEB PAGE.
WE HAVE A STRONG CASE.
YOU HAVE TWO DAYS BEFORE WE TAKE USA ACTION.
YOU SEE DIAMONDDAVE IS FROM THE USA. NOT FROM BELIZE.
YOU NEED TO GET YOU FACTS INLINE.
THANK YOU.
>remove my name from this data base.
>Creative Commons License.
>you may lose your license
>if i file my case to court.
---skip skip skip---
>YOU SEE DIAMONDDAVE IS FROM THE USA. NOT FROM BELIZE.
>YOU NEED TO GET YOU FACTS INLINE.
>THANK YOU.
Now THOSE are lyrics I can get behind. None of this "Kansas city is pretty" moon-spoon-june stuff, this is inspired angst! Now shitcan the tired Clapton riffs and turn up the distortion on the guitar (even if you don't know how to play) and now you have a real chance at... something, but BETTER something.
Ah, that must be the reason why he took down all his vids from youtube last nite. Isn't tampering with evidence a crime in Belize?
DD's comments on his latest vid:
diamonddave103 (1 day ago)
the words belong to me and my bro
im not playin the guitar at this time.still worken on
diamonddave103 (3 hours ago)
my last warning to
analogindustries com
- BMU
Man, that's like the seventh last warning I've got. What the fuck? Back when I was young, when you got a last warning, it actually _was_ the last warning. You didn't think there'd be six more.
Seriously.
-CR
Well that's nice though, he's included a link to AI.com in the text box about the video (under "I'm not really playing guitar").
Isn't that sort of, well, like just adding fuel to the fire?
latest comments preserved for posterity, before he yanks them down:
--
diamonddave103 (2 hours ago)
morelaw com lawyers practice internet law asp
diamonddave103 (2 hours ago)
Hinkle, William H. - Tulsa, OK
Hinkle, Smith & Knudson, P.C.
Corporate; Computer/Internet/Intellectual Property; Commercial Litigation; Employment (Management); Securities Fraud
--
No way will he shut down AI - as was mentioned earlier in this thread, it's his biggest fan site!
Really, if you Google "diamonddave103", AI is second only after YouTube:
http://www.google.com/search?client=opera&rls=en&q=diamonddave103&sourceid=opera&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8
Pretty soon he'll be sueing for royalties.
His name and fame drives the AD business :D
The only problem is, if they google our names... They'll also end up here.
You cant buy this kind of advertising.
In the fashion of quoting lyrics, here Dave's next cover.
"I started a joke which started the whole world crying
But I didn't see that the joke was on me, oh no
I started to cry which started the whole world laughing
Oh If I'd only seen that the joke was on me.
I looked at the skies running my hands over my eyes
And I fell out of bed hurting my head from things that I said
'Till I finaly died which started the whole world living
Oh If I'd only seen that the joke was on me
I looked at the skies running my hands over my eyes
And I fell out of bed hurting my head from things that I said
'Till I finaly died which started the whole world living
Oh If I'd only seen that the joke was on me
Oh no that the joke was on me"
I know. The great irony is that if Dave released a record, we'd all buy it. Or pirate it. Or something.
-CR
I think we'd all buy DD's record! You see if we pirate it, he might not get enough support and stop doing what he's doing!
I'm already willing to pay for a DVD of his all-time YouTube vids!
BTW, there are new comments on his vid, check 'em out before he removes them.
- BMU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BrVEtBYVaVM&mode=related&search=
ohelno
Rock over London, rock on, Chicago. Church's Chicken. K-K-Kick the bucket.
In thinking about that rather oblique reference, which some of you will get, but most will not, it occurs to me that WW had a really good excuse for the quality of his musical output; whether DD103 shares the affliction is academic. It just goes to show that there's a fine line between indie hipster cool and batshit crazy.
-CR
ohelyeah!
Make sure to check back in with the You Tube page that this thread was originally about too. He's making a contest now of some kind:
"ok im doing a contest who can make a sound track better
than the one playin. the words will stay in place.
who will win we will see. try it. i have three kinds of voices. blues pop and rock so try it who will be the best."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTSs4mFJ63U&eurl=
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h-J6HcTkj-A&mode=related&search=
Oh snap! It's "wishing well" part 2!
Having watched those last two Youtube videos, I can just tell he loves the fact we talk about him.
He does, he loves it.
Chris - I dunno man, I think it's a pretty far reach to compare WW to DD. WW's lyrics came from deep down, as deep as the man could reach. Now, what he pulled up was pretty tangled (to put it mildly), but that dude was definitely keepin' it real. When he performed, people seriously felt it, it wasn't just some novelty or schadenfreude. DD is just a hack, and I actually sort of feel bad to laugh at him because I don't think he has any great excuse. He's just reaching much, much further than he can grasp.
Even if DD starts writing songs about Chicken Cows stabbing him in the ass, he still wouldn't be in the same league as WW. Academic or not.
DD you gotta bring back the first two vids! I'm talking about the hotel tour and the first one that started it all. Serious man! Start a paypal donation thing or somethin...3 bucks for full DD video access. You'll be a millionare by the end of October!
why can't CR give DD a record deal? i mean AI and DD's name are linked for ever with google... But plz!! don't become buddies... keep the fights alive...
i just got an email from DiamondDave103 out of the blue.
he chimes in with:
"stop making me your little star of hate.
and go somewhere like in your bathroom studio."
which is really funny because my new studio doesn't have a bathroom installed yet, hahaha.
ah. I miss Wesley. I wish I could miss DD103. i.e. why isn't DD103 cold and stiff 6 feet under and Wesley kicking it in Belize? Damn the fates.
star of hate?
man I think its safe to say hate has been transformed into sheer awe. DD103 has become a darling of the pro audio world.
Please repost the original vids Dave!!!
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