Keytard Day, Pt. 1...
From the original Analog Industries archive. Some links and images from that era no longer resolve.
The world’s whitest “solo,” played on the world’s second whitest instrument. I hear polyrhythms are the next big thing.
From the original Analog Industries archive. Some links and images from that era no longer resolve.
The world’s whitest “solo,” played on the world’s second whitest instrument. I hear polyrhythms are the next big thing.
33 comments
I know this is probably a stupid question, but I have to ask. What is the whitest instrument? The theremin? The french horn? I gotta know.
Dulcimer?
- Jeff
I thought the exact same thing. Which is the whitest instrument ?
Accordion was the first that came to mind.
and on the other side of the same tarnished coin:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zi6W9DJcrUQ
The whitest instrument i can think of is that thing that Kenny G (as in "Gorlick", naff) plays. A close second for what Lisa Simpson plays- the saxamaphone.
kenny g plays a sax too (unfortunately)
i dont think it's the whitest instrument ever though...ever heard of john coltrane?
the whitest instrument has got be something appalachia folkie. i think jeff c nailed it w/ the hammered dulcimer.
Sadly, if memory serves, Kenny G plays the same instrument as John Coltrane.
My vote for whitest instrument would probably have to go to the auto-harp, or some other country/folk/bluegrass sort of thing.
Here's what I want to know though- why do all these keytar freaks play electric guitar patches? I mean, aren't hammer-ons on a keyboard sort of oxymoronic?
if clapton was dead, he'd be spinning in his grave hearing that general M1D1 rendition of "cocaine" under the wankery.
My favorite thing about this video is the open-mouthed, chickenhead move. Clearly, *he* thinks it makes him appear quite sophisticated and 'cool.'
So why does every keytard have to do this? Why don't they know better?
Perhaps this video should be shown in elementary school music classes with the message "Don't Grow Up to Become Like This!"
Whitest instrument? harpsichord.
J.J. Cale would be rolling over in his grave... you know, if he were dead and stuff.
Actually, Cale's probably seen crap like this so many times he's numb to it.
Whitest Instrument - electronic autoharp.
I just counted 13,242 notes, total. Is that what you guys got?
whitest? lap steel guitar of course!
RE: video
are there buttons or something for the left hand fingers to press other than the tremolobar/pitch bend wheel? Cuz it looks like there are some vestigal hammer-ons being tapped out to make it APPEAR more guitary.
That would be as poseurlicious as the open mouth chickenhead action.
I'd rule out the hammered dulcimer because of its similarity to the cimbalon.
I think the harpsichord might take it.
--Adam
As a non-native speaker I have to ask for the meaning of "whitest" in this context. I am not satisfied with what I have found in my dictionaries. Is it meant to be some kind of "dull", "boring"?
TIA,
Michael
"Whitest" could be defined as "the instrument least likely to appear on a Dr. Dre production" in this context. That rules out the harpsichord, despite several votes to the contrary. And besides, the clavinet is the funkiest instrument ever, and it's really nothing but an electric harpsichord.
However, Aahzekiel and I agree: the Omnichord is, IMO, the whitest instrument ever.
-CR
Indeed, this goes some way to proving that point:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=sBap0tvkKSo
And this autoharp freakshow:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=l8O7aA95Sps
wow shamann, is that diamond dave's dad?
Did some further thinking and came up with: #4 Harmonica, #3 Fiddle #2 Banjo and #1... the Jew's Harp.
Anyone think that can top that?
boing boing boing boing-boing boing
Banjo has it's origins in Africa and has a rather funky cousin in Turkey named the cumbus. I'm not saying it hasn't been thoroughly demelatoninized in this nation, but I think that these mitigating factors should knock it out of the top 4.
What about bagpipes? Originally from India, but there's nothing funky about Scotland.
I don't know man, I've seen some black dudes rock a Casio AZ-1 pretty hard.
Although, that was 20 years ago...
The banjo may have had it's origins in africa but i think the question was what the whitest instrument is... and i think most people will agree with me on this- when i hear a banjo the only thing i think of is Deliverance and the state of mississippi, not africa. :)
Bagpipe?
Man, I can't believe this one was overlooked, especially given the redneck keytard...
BANJO!
C'mon, SQUEAL!
I dunno. I can get pretty funky on a banjo, not to mention the fact that it was a staple of ragtime and early blues, which was 100% black. And there's some absolutely steaming Tom Waits tracks with banjo, "Gun Street Girl" for example. And Tom Waits is the white man's Howlin' Wolf, after all.
And harmonica? Two words for that: Little Walter.
I stick by the Omnichord. I absolutely defy anyone to play something even approaching anything that could be loosely described using the words "funk" or "soul" with one of those.
-CR
Ummm...
Accordion?
I would shit my pants if someone could prove that polka was anything but a white invention.
I can only assume that the people who keep mentioning the accordion in this thread have never heard any gypsy or eastern european accordion players. There is a pretty well known gypsy band called taraif de haidouks that has a great accordion player. Also Neshko Neshev, the accordionist who plays with Ivo Papasov, wails more than anyone else I have ever heard play any keyboard instrument, imho. Nothing to do with polkas at all.
The banjo came to america from africa.
There are variants of the jews harp all over the world. I have heard recordings of tuvans doing some crazy shit with jewsharps.
There is a lot of great early delta blues played on the fiddle. There is a widely available collection called "violin, sing the blues for me" and a lot of other stuff you would have to look for. It was edged out as a blues instrument by the electric guitar, which became widespread long before the electric violin (for what some might say are obvious reasons.)
I have to admit that the bagpipe is a pretty good contender, even though I like bagpipes.
The autoharp is also a good contender. I used to think that ws a totally useless instrument, but I got hold of an old one, ripped all of the chord levers off of it, and used it to play prepared autoharp as a percussion instrument. We called it the manual harp. you can get some great sounds out of it if you prepare it right, but it's not nearly as loud as a prepared piano, so its hard to amplify in a live setting.
> What about bagpipes? Originally from India, but there's nothing funky about Scotland.
I give you the recently departed Rufus Harley, the world's only jazz bagpiper
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rufus_Harley
And as a Scotsman I'm furiously indignant about the "nothing funky about Scotland" comment. I just can't come up with a counterexample right now.
+1 to the Omnichord, by the way
I think i've got a counterexample for you. It's called "haggis."
After seeing the omnichord video, I have to agree with Chris. On the other hand, I think it's too obscure to really qualify, as I had never heard of it before today. Also, it pretty much seems like a crappy casio electronic autoharp, so it's first place status doesn't really detract from the autoharp as a contender.
As far as the banjo goes... well, y'all, gather around and lemme tell ya... as I am, in fact, from Alabama (Roll Tide! Ok, just kidding), and I have, once upon a time, seen for myself a regressed-genetics randomly-dentally-blessed young man get seriously down and DIRTY on a banjo. It was scary and it moved me. It was as funky in its own way as any out-there blues I've ever heard, and reminded me more of someone like Son House wailing away on a National... it sounds like someone talking in a language you can almost understand... but not quite. You can't quite get it, but it still moves you. We may both have been "white" but he was sure 'nuff comin' at life from a different direction than me.
Somehow I can't really see anyone doing that on the electrical autoharp.
(some of you may wonder why that was my choice... see... er... there was this eight-grade talent show... and see... there was this eurythmics song I liked pretty good, and it was a hit, you know, people would recognize it and maybe groove on it... and, er... my friend had an Omnichord? And... oh God. I can't go on.)
Rufus Harley is kind of the exception that proves the rule. Jazz bagpipes, talk about taking on an uphill battle. Harley was a brave, brave man.
As far as haggis as evidence of funk: I've had the stuff, and everybody talks about how nasty it is and so on. It's just not true. I grew up on, tongue, blood sausage and all sorts of organ meats, so haggis didn't phase me a bit. I liked it.
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