Memo To Copy Writers Everywhere...

Okay, just so everyone, but specifically the editors of Keyboard magazine and the various companies that release loop CDs, knows, it’s no longer cool to substitute “ph” for “f.” It hasn’t been for some time now. It really wasn’t that cool when it was cool, which was a span of about two weeks in 1996. Surely there’s another superlative you can come up with that actually has, like, meaning and stuff?

Example 1. Seriously, guys. Just stop now. If someone held a gun to my head, I’d have a hard time coming up with a statement less burdened by meaning than the following: Phat to Phreaky is the ultimate collection of urban beats, breakdowns and fills, and comes straight from the beatboxes, drum machines and samples that you hear on today’s hottest songs.

Example 2. I’m sorry, Peter, but Phat 101? Come on. I know you work for Keyboard, but does that have to inform the curriculum that I actually read?

Example 3. Okay, guys. I’m a big fan of you and your products, but this is an intervention. It’s for your own good.

I could go on and on (and on) with this, but can’t we just stop the madness? From now on, every time it gets used and I see it, I’m calling a motherfucker out.