Retards Keep Mailing Me. Please Stop.
From the original Analog Industries archive. Some links and images from that era no longer resolve.
Just having a blog at all, even one of fair-to-middling popularity and narrow focus like this one, means you get a lot of stupid mail. Actual readers of the blog send in tips all the time, and I use most of them. But I also get a lot of “hot tips” from guerrilla marketing companies (ones that obviously aren’t very good), Google Farm pages, and the like. This morning I was blessed with this:
Hello
I’ve found something on the internet that could be a good material for a blog post in your Music Blog. Take a look at “Top 10 Techy Sunglasses with Mp3 Players”
Have a great day
Best regards, Micle Mihai Cristian.
I left the link out, because I can’t be bothered, quite frankly. So I actually replied to this one, something I don’t normally do:
Why on earth do you think I or my readers would find that interesting?
Chris Randall
Positron Records, Inc.
A few minutes later, I get this back:
Because is related to sound and music, and I’m sure they love everything related to this.Don’t you ?
Wouldn’t it be nice if it was as simple as saying “you’re a retard. Don’t ever write me again?” (Which is exactly what I did.)
Another company that keeps writing me is an Indian software chop-shop that makes extremely dumbed-down versions of popular audio software (e.g. Soundforge, Cinescore, and the like.) They’re as transparent as can be. They wrote me a month or two ago, offering NFR copies in exchange for a review on this site. I wrote back and said “listen, you really don’t want me to review your software. Seriously. Take a better look at AI.” They’re like “okay, but do you want NFR copies anyways?” I didn’t answer that, then a week later I get exactly the same letter as their original communication.
So, this can be considered an open letter to all the fucking morons out there that read a “get rich on the internet” book: stop writing me. Seriously. I don’t have anything nice to say about you, and never will. I’m not going to put a link up to your site unless you make high-end audio gear or did something phenomenally stupid. So go away.
9 comments
"I'm not going to put a link up to your site unless you... did something phenomenally stupid."
I think that might be the problem.
Any publicity is good publicity when you have no scrupples about massaging the context of a quote.
I'm still getting over the fact that there are 10 different sunglasses with MP3 players built into them.
There are such fine lines between clever, retarded, and fucktarded.
If only that guy had a YouTube video of him playing 80s hair-metal guitar while wearing his mp3 sunglasses, he might have made it into the coveted fucktard category and been rewarded with a link.
No doubt. But I did look at his actual blog, and it's basically a textbook example of "Blogging For Fun And Profit (But Mostly Profit.)" If I don't make any money from this bitch, nobody else is either!
-CR
Chris,
You do make money from this bitch. I would not have purchased any Audio Damage plugins had I not found out about it on this blog. I can only imagine the same is true for a lot of people.
I come for the porn.
There hasn't been enough of that lately.
FMOF is fun too...
All that stuff got kinda blown away by the breeze of belize.
btw. Is there a way to get an RSS feed from the comments?
This would be very helpful. Unless i'm missing the correct way to view recent posts in older topics.
Cheers
- Bjorn
MP3 sunglasses = the new BluBlockers
(can't wait to see the cheezy late-nite adverts)
Those Indian guys pitched me too: “Since your blog is some what related to our programs, ie., it is based on learning music centre. we can offer you free licenses to any two of our programs.”
I told ’em I'd take a look when I got a chance, and I actually did download one of their programs. It looked like a Windows 3.1 hack a high schooler might have done.
Every few weeks after that, on some kind of automated schedule, they’d write back to demand, “Have you reviewed our software yet?” My favorite follow-up was the one titled something like “Third Notice--Request Review.” Like they were collecting on a debt.
Keep waiting, Ms. Gayathri.
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