Things I Want For The New Year...

#1: A Mac web browser that doesn’t fucking suck - This doesn’t seem to be terribly complicated. But apparently it is. And the first person that says “hey, use Opera” can consider themselves banned from ever making pithy comments on this site ever again. In the Suck Wars, Firefox sucked more than Safari for the last two months, but if my Force Quit habits are any measure, Safari is again getting the edge in that department, reclaiming its rightful crown as the suckiest of all web browsers.

EDIT: Since it obviously wasn’t, errr, obvious, the above is irony. Please don’t email me or post saying “hey, why don’t you try Browser Assophonic 2000?” Despite all evidence to the contrary, I do not, in actual fact, give a fuck, flying or otherwise.

#2: Solid-state hard drives - We’re so very close. It’s like when you know the next Star Wars movie is coming out, but you just can’t wait. That is, unless you’re all growed up between when the good ones came out and the shit ones. Then you come to the startling realization that George Lucas makes movies for children, and you ain’t one. That doesn’t apply to solid-state hard drives, of course. But they’re so close. Audio Professionals the world over will sing with great hosannas and stuff when the solid-state SATA drive becomes something that people without trust funds can afford.

#3: No more motherfucking Wii controller MIDI bullshit - Seriously. Stop. It’s not cool. Use your time for something productive, like working on the OSX side of the Mozilla project.

#4: PACE out of business - If only wishing made it so. But they’re like genital warts: the gift that keeps on giving, and the only way to get rid of ’em is to shoot a laser at your dick. Or something.

#5: No more Super Mario Bros. themes on YouTube - That shark done been jumped. Move along. Nothing to see here. ESPECIALLY if you play a bass with more than 4 strings. You need therapy. My idea of hell: accidentally coming across a video of Diamond Dave playing the Super Mario Bros. theme on a Roland JD800 with a Wii controller. Life will have ceased to have any hope whatsoever at that point.

EDIT: (I just thought of another one)
#6: AudioUnits to go away. Far away. And don’t ever come back - Okay, Apple, you had your fun. But they are, in fact, pointless. We know it. You know it. Get over that shit and put VST capability in Logic so we can spend our time developing instead of supporting four (yes, that’s four) different builds for each OSX release. Of course, I’m aware that this is just pissing in the wind, but I had to get it out there.