Trainwreck...

How I start my day:

Step 1: Stumble bleary-eyed to the bathroom and do the things that Men Do in the bathroom in the morning.

Step 2: Get a Lo-Carb Monster, my MacBook Pro, and a pack of cigarettes, and go outside on the porch to properly EQ my nicotine and taurine levels so I can function in polite society.

I’m actually still in the middle of Step 2 as I write this, so it might be a little gamier than normal. I was perusing my RSS feeds just now, and I’ve set up several search feeds for Phoenix Craigslist. One of them has “Drum Machine” as its string, and today it gave me this little gem:

_Roland TR-505 Drum machine/Sequencer $200

This is another piece of my collection that I regret to let go but I haven’t been using it much in the last couple years and I’d rather get some $’s out of it and have someone making use of it as part of their collection of classic electronic musical instruments. […]. This unit is still very popular for its cool sound and its old-school Roland sequencer which has a “feel” that has no comparison. A lot of pro’s still insist on using the 505 as a click track when working with Pro Tools because it adds a little life to your music as opposed to an ultra-modern click track (metronome) which has absolutely perfect time, the 505 and 606 have very close to perfect time but tend to have a little bit of “push and pull” to them that is the sound and feel of classic hip hop and music from the golden age of MIDI :)_

Now, whatever with the 505 itself. It is obviously not a favorite of, well, anyone. This is largely because it sounds like shit, and is most assuredly the red-headed step child of the TR family. (We only say this because we’ve never heard Madonna’s infamous TR-404.) Whether it’s worth $200 – and it’s not – is between this guy and the witless sap that buys it from him. Since this is Phoenix, that witless sap has probably moved to the San Fernando valley by now, and is currently working as a grip on Anal Amateurs 49.

(Cue several comments from people that own a 505 and are trying to make themselves feel better about paying actual money for it, plus the mandatory “it sounds awesome circuit-bent!!!”)

Pro Tips: There is no “golden age of MIDI.” The 606 doesn’t have MIDI. No self-respecting hip-hop producer would ever admit he used a 505 on a record. Pro’s [sic] don’t use the 505 as a click because of its “feel.” It has no feel. It’s a 505.

Seriously, dude: just because it has “TR” in the name doesn’t make it magic, and no amount of con on your part is gonna change that.