Why I Hate Musician's Friend, Take 152...

So, my Adam A7s departed Analogue Haven yesterday, and it occurred to me that I need TRS->XLRM cables. Everyone knows that Mogami cables are the cables you get when you need cables. (People that know better still insist on buying Hosa and Radio Shack cables. Those people obviously don’t give a fuck about their signal, and only want their cables to last for like a year. They’re demonstrably insane.)

So, like I was saying, I need these cables, and in a moment of weakness, I ordered them from Musician’s Friend. (People that buy anything from Musician’s Friend fall in to the same catagory as those that buy Hosa cables, so I’m in the same boat as you, FWIW.) I don’t know why I did it, other than that they were the first ones to come up in my Google search. So I make the order, and don’t think much of it. Today, I get this email:

We’ve sent this email to confirm shipment on the items listed below for order number I6207089XXXX. With most packages, you can track the progress enroute based on your Tracking Number(s):

38766337178XXXX

If the tracking number above appears in one of the United Parcel Service (UPS) formats, click this link and paste in your tracking number: http://wwwapps.ups.com/etracking/tracking.cgi

UPS formats are: 1Z### ### ## #### ### # or T### #### ###

If your tracking number appears in the FedEx format, click this link and paste in your tracking number: http://www.fedex.com The FedEx format is 12 to 15 numerals in a row, with no separators. Be sure to delete the leading zeros when entering your number on the FedEx website!

Tracking information will not be posted to UPS or FedEx tracking systems for approximately 24 hours.

If the number above begins in 9, your package was sent via the United States Postal Service. If no number appears, your order was shipped USPS First Class Mail. Currently, USPS does not offer a package tracking system.

Why is it that every other business on the internet can just give you a “click this link to track” mail, while Musician’s Friend forces you to do long division in your head? First, you have to figure out what the fuck format it is, then you have to… yeah… whatever. And that last sentence is my favorite. While technically true, it is, in fact, patently misleading, as Delivery Confirmation actually provides 9/10th of the service that a normal tracking number does. Of course, they can always pass that 45 cents on to the customer, so what’s the big deal?

On top of that, the number is meaningless for over 24 hours. Every other company on the web manages to at least get the data to the shipping company, even if they don’t actually send the package out the door. But Musician’s Friend can’t actually manage that complicated process. So, once you figure out what fucking service it’s for, you’re rewarded with something on the order of “No information for the following shipments has been received by our system yet” for at least a day.

So, my question is thus: what’s the god-damned point? Why can’t Musician’s Friend pull off what every boutique store on the planet manages? I know. They’re spending all that money they could be paying to people that think on paper catalogs that I get and throw away three at a time, every four weeks. Hey, I’ve got an idea: why don’t you guys apply some of your ad budget to actually retaining customers? Then maybe I’d spend more than $70 a year at your store. Actually, no I won’t. Never mind. Keep on doing what you’re doing.