Diamond Dave, The Gift That Keeps On Giving...
From the original Analog Industries archive. Some links and images from that era no longer resolve.
So, if you read the comments of the last post, you know that Adam Jay got another voicemail, wherein the entire country of Belize has been disgraced, and is a “very serious matter.” That’s funny enough. But naturally, there’s more.
I took my wife to the dentist this morning, and when I got back, I was rewarded with five “internets” from Dave. Here they are, in folio form, since I dig the whole “stream of consciousness” thing:
IM CALLING LAWERS
_NOT AFTER Gearslutz
IM AFTER ADAMJAY
he is messing up your web page
_
look folks just need to lay off me. I don’t know anyone in here. they don’t know me. yes im mad my lawyer got the info. I want is peace just keep diamond studio off you web. I think there playing word games if Adam keeps up I will be forced to protect my company. just like you would in yours. im not breaking any laws just trying to keep my good hard working name.. let just keep a clean word or chat. I want peace. message from my lawyers PLEASE TAKE ALL MESSAGE OFF OF DIAMOND STUDIO LTD. IF NOT WE WILL CONTACT MSN NETWORKS TO WORK SOMETHING OUT. WEB PAGES CAN DO HARM TO OTHERS IN ANGER OR DAMAGES TO OTHER COMPANIES WE WANT PEACE WITH THIS COMPANY AND ITS NOT YOU WERE AFTER YOUR COMPANY BUT THOSE WHO TREAT HARM IN DIAMOND STUDIO LTD.WE HAVE RIGHTS JUST LIKE YOU.
http://www.analogindustries.com/
IS GOING TO MSN
ok now I just heard my voice message on yaw page
funny but true
listen to it and see if im joking
adamjay is going to be in big trouble
Dave, since you’re obviously reading this, let me help you out a little bit here: if you post something in the de facto public domain (e.g. YouTube) you give implied consent for it to be “shared.” In case you’re not aware, your idiotic representation of yourself in said public arenas was what engendered this whole thing in the first place.
“To make a long story short” there’s an easy solution to all of this: stop being such a fucking idiot. I know that sounds harder than it is, but just put down the webcam. Seriously. You’re only hurting yourself. I’m trying to help, here.
Some other quick tips: my “internets” have nothing whatsoever to do with MSN; I’m not sure where you got that idea. And the “Prime Minister Of Belize City?” Last I checked, Belize City had a mayor, so I’m not entirely sure you’re barking up the right tree there. I think you might be confusing “prime minister” with “coke dealer.” Just a thought.
UPDATE: Shit. I didn’t notice the six other messages that were in my spam filter. Apparently, I have two hours. Until what, I’m not sure. If this site is replaced with an MSN domain parking notice at 1:13pm PST, I guess we’ll know.
UPDATE 2 Okay, I’m starting to get bored with this. It’s fun to poke someone who can’t take a joke, but you can make fun of a retard all you want, and at the end of the day, he’s still a retard. This just came in:
now you have crossed the line now your messing with me but I got bigger plain for a bully. its called well open your door see who calling you. maybe its ohhhhhh the law. stop messing with me last chance bully.
Ironically, I’m usually the one sticking up for the little guy, trying to keep ’em from falling prey to parasites like this. So, there you have it. I’ve gone too far.
25 comments
hence for and until forever, august 11 shall be known as diamond dave day. i'm sure the prime minister of belize city won't mind...
I'm no native speaking english guy but i'd rather see a world where lawyers/lawers write correctly.
If you don't want something to happen on the internet , ignore it.
This "problem" has made itself bigger by getting involved.
Maybe cartoons are allowed ?
Does Dave win Fucktard of the Year™ award?
He's got my nomination!!
Fucking funny shit though.
Hey Diamond Dave, I think Chris and Adam would get the message better if you and your lawyer posted a vid on You Tube stating your grievances....do it up champ!
Just to keep things interesting, I wanted to hear Diamond Dave in Jive. So, I ran him thru the jive translator. Enjoy:
---------------
I'm Calling lawyers
NOT AFTER Gearslutz
IM AFTER ADAMJAY
he iz messing up yo' web page
peep folks just need ta lay off me. I don' know anyone in here. dey don' know me. yeea im mad muh ma fuckin lawyer got da info. I wants iz peace just keep diamond studio off ya web. I th'o't dere playing werd games if Adam keeps up I will be forced ta protect muh ma fuckin company. just like ya would in yours. im not breaking any laws just trying ta keep muh ma fuckin pimp-tight hard working name.. let just keep uh clean werd or chat. I wants peace. Message from muh ma fuckin lawyers: Please take all message off o' diamond studio ltd. If not we's will contact msn networks ta werk somethin' out. Web pages can do harm ta others in anger or damages ta other companies we's wants peace wiff dis here company an' it'snot ya We be afta. yo' company, but those who treat harm in Diamond Studio LTD. We gots rights just like ya.
http://www.analogindustries.com/
iz going ta msn
otay now I just heard muh ma fuckin voice message on yaw page
funny but true
listen ta it an' see if im joking
adamjay iz going ta be in big static
now ya gots crossed da line now yo' messing wiff me but I got bigger plain fo' uh bully. its called well open yo' do' see who calling ya. maybe its ohhhhhh da law. stop messing wiff me last chance bully.
be understanding dis negroid-american languag foo'
i'm speechless. i've always got something to say, but man, nothing is coming out.
W
The jive translation actually reads easier than his normal writing, interestingly enough.
-CR
The guy is obviously unbalanced, most likely autistic, and likely has easy access to drugs. I've seen it happen, and watching a manic person spiral towards self-immolation isn't really all that funny. Well, maybe a little if he's a complete choad with access to an internet connection he barely understands and an ocean away. But when his studio is seized, I want those patchbays. Apparently they are what's keeping me from going pro.
Why does this guy give a fuck what we think? I do believe I'm flattered.
whaddaya know - the phone number Diamond Dave 103 specifies is actually Belize Prime Minister and Minister Finance, the Right Honourable Said Musa. Not the governer, but hey, I suppose you could jibber-jabber about the internets with his office too.
http://www.belize.gov.bz/diplomatic_list_2006/governor.html
Wow, talk about a drug-fueled downward spiral. It's reminding me of Ray Liotta at the end of Goodfellas, trying to outrun the imaginary helicopters.
Hey, those helicopters were _real_!
-CR
that's right! it just goes to show that just because you're paranoid, it don't mean someone's not out to get you, in a helicopter...
one word, man...
Schadenfreude.
What would be the slander liability of producing some very nice Diamond Dave T-shirts?
He's diamond dave and you're not!!
;-)
Four measures of diamond dave week?
"What would be the slander liability of producing some very nice Diamond Dave T-shirts?"
Dude, the government of Belize would come down on you like a ton of fucking bricks because they got Dave's back.
However, as it turns out, the government of Belize has absolutely zero to do with the United States. So I'd say knock yourself out. However, don't come cryin' to me when a crack squad of Belizian commando-ninjas break down your door.
-CR
"What would be the slander liability of producing some very nice Diamond Dave T-shirts?"
Parody is protected free speech. Go nuts.
Sign me up, I'd buy two!
Maybe have that coked out look from the second You Tube vid with the caption "We will _NOT_ take amatuers!"
or maybe
"INTERNET DOWNLOADING CAPABILITIES!"
Oh man, the captions could go on and on
For me it'd be "Motu. M O 2, man!"
Get this picture (minus the YouTube stuff):
http://i35.photobucket.com/albums/d185/dmcanally/diamonddave.png
With the caption "LOADED WITH TECHNO BABY!"
Wow both threads to 20+ posts already. That's what I get for working all day on a Friday, almost missed all the fun. This reminds me of Jp22: http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php/Jp22
I think Diamond Dave is begging for a wiki entry there!
hm that site i found the jp22 archive on was more questionable than I thought, don't let it distract from the Diamond Dave Discussion...
New Diamond Dave content! Bump up two posts!
-CR
Who is Diamond Dave?
cat wants too know.
pussy is wet.
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